i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
