so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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