apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
