Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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