I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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