You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
