He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
