I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize