I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
