i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize