no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize