Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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