so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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