too bad you live with your parents still
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize