I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
