Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
