I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
