I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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