idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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