Well douche your snatch and let's go!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
