Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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