don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
