Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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