Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
