There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
