You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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