Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
