do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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