your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
