About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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