Only a mothe r could love this liver
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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