...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
