I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
