Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
