I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
