I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
