I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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