What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
