shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
