fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
And then he peed in my hair
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