I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
