Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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