woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
