I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
