We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
