Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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