you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I think my moral compass just broke
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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