please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
