I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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