Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
