Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
