I puked a lego.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize