I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
