Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
