you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
