Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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