If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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