I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
