There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
