i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
