I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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