why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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