were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
