what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
