trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
