My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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