Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
