i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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