walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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