Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
