My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
soo... how was my night?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
